So, Would You Please?
So, a lot has changed. Some things so quickly; so beautifully; so perfectly. Some things slowly medicated to alteration. Either way, things have changed.
The play, in it's entirety, is finally over. Saddening, yet a large relief in the end. I mean, in dreams, who wouldn't want performance to be an everlasting thing? In all practicality, it's just not so. Oh well, One Act auditions were today. I read my part and walked away. I don't think I've ever been this numb before.
Madeline brought up a question that - since then - I've been thinking about. It seems I look at life as boring, as long, and as tiresome. It seems that I don't find excitement in the little things - in all the things in life that...I guess, used to make me happy. I don't think I feel this way, but thinking never helps much when it comes to feeling, does it? I mean, I am happy when I see Madeline. I'm happy when I'm around friends...jesters...thinkers...and enemies even...I'm happy when I can think, learn, and truly understand the things that are rambled so uselessly about during class periods. I guess the routine of the school day and the feeling of utter futility that I fight so strivingly to ignore after I exit quickly from each day just gets to me after awhile. I find no use for electron configurations...the dot structure of elements...the theorem to determine that one segment is truly congruent to another...two-collumn proofs...the territory that the original Blackfoot tribe inhabited...I mean, in all my sensitivity...who cares? I, for one, do not. And, even though I do try so hard to find something to amuse myself with...something to find excitement and happiness in...I can't. I've never felt so numb before.
The play, in it's entirety, is finally over. Saddening, yet a large relief in the end. I mean, in dreams, who wouldn't want performance to be an everlasting thing? In all practicality, it's just not so. Oh well, One Act auditions were today. I read my part and walked away. I don't think I've ever been this numb before.
Madeline brought up a question that - since then - I've been thinking about. It seems I look at life as boring, as long, and as tiresome. It seems that I don't find excitement in the little things - in all the things in life that...I guess, used to make me happy. I don't think I feel this way, but thinking never helps much when it comes to feeling, does it? I mean, I am happy when I see Madeline. I'm happy when I'm around friends...jesters...thinkers...and enemies even...I'm happy when I can think, learn, and truly understand the things that are rambled so uselessly about during class periods. I guess the routine of the school day and the feeling of utter futility that I fight so strivingly to ignore after I exit quickly from each day just gets to me after awhile. I find no use for electron configurations...the dot structure of elements...the theorem to determine that one segment is truly congruent to another...two-collumn proofs...the territory that the original Blackfoot tribe inhabited...I mean, in all my sensitivity...who cares? I, for one, do not. And, even though I do try so hard to find something to amuse myself with...something to find excitement and happiness in...I can't. I've never felt so numb before.
0 comments:
Post a Comment