Murder Murderer Love Inc.

The summer is arriving slowly but surely...covered by this last week of droning routine. This season holds so much possibility, and I'm exploding with excitement for it to arrive. I can not even begin to express how much I want to flee from that prison, and rejoice in the rays of the sweet summer sun...singing in my loudest voice to heavens. I have a feeling my summer is going to be even more busy than the school year: a job, Laconic practice, Second Glance practice, shows, Laconic album recording, Second Glance album recording, and blowing off most of it to see Madeline. I have so much work to do, that it's already overwhelming. Overwhelming with happiness, unlike the stress that usually drowns me between the months of August and June. A much needed break to do so much. Kind of ironic.

The Laconic album is going to be amazing. I have a feeling...I don't know what of...surrounding every song and every idea in my head swirls with new possibilities. I have finished all the artwork for the album, and have set-up the manufacturing package, so now I don't have to worry about any technical details and can focus directly on the music. I can barely wait to record the first song, but I have a feeling that after that...I'll be dying to record another...and the wait will be worse. I have so many plans in my head...damn. I've been trying to work on a Laconic web site, and have been thinking of ideas to help publicize the band as of late. We are probably going to play on Senior Appreciation Night at Ashley Pond for an hour to a half an hour...but we will be playing new songs from the album, so I hope to see everyone I know there! The new equipment should be showing up very soon (Alex and I's amps), and we'll be practicing next week during finals to get ready for the concert. Much excitement.

Altogether, life is beautiful, and it continues on into light; never dark.

I find myself remembering. Remembering anything my mind can get a grasp on. It holds onto the memories so tight, almost like the world playing out before me is unimportant compared. I picture nights alone, nights together...I picture people who have now left my life, and left no trace...I picture things I thought would never end. Is it healthy to recall memory so often? Obsessing over things that play over and over in your mind, like a tape rewound but never changed, and basking in the happiness it brings you...can it be right? It's like living in a dream, but you always know what is going to happen. You picture times gone, and sit in uselessless, doing nothing but dreaming. You picture these memories, and the world turns to nothing but blurred colors in your periphery. It's almost like I couldn't let go of these memories, even if I tried. It's almost relaxing to remember...like it's a way to show you really lived. "Please remedy my confusion." Another thing that probably isn't healthy is imagining the second ending. In every situation there can be more than way out, but you'll never know that other way out no matter what you choose. What would you life had been otherwise? You'll never know. I guess that's where I get stuck...I think too much.

The day was utterly boring, as it always is at school. Each class is useless drone; a repetitive experience. I submit myself to routine, and hope that a flaw will be devised in the cycle. I actually got to come home at a decent time today, due to the fact that Olions is now over for the year. I spent my time with Madeline over at her house, and we spent time with her brother, cousin, and her cousin's friend. It was really nice to feel like I was part of her family. I felt accepted. It was relaxing. The clouds provided a beautiful light outside, and a breeze drifted just soft enough through the scene. "Cafarro's Theme" played endlessly in my mind. I unavoidably relate that song with good times. Another highlight of my day was listening to a mix of songs I made for Elise. I defined them as "life defined in lyrical epiphany". The songs I chose seem to bring out so much meaning to me, so I decided to share them. The lyricist I highlighted most never ceases to amaze me: Conor Oberst (Bright Eyes). I decided to put "From A Balance Beam", "The Trees Get Wheeled Away", and "Let's Not Shit Ourselves (To Love And To Be Loved)" on the mix, because they convey so much in general about how an outlook on life can be looked at a little differently with a little help.

I started to make a list of people I appreciate. I tried to focus on people I don't show that I do so much, so I immediately excluded Madeline, Alex Den-Baars, and Rachel. I came up with a suprising list of names...Alex Wilcox...Trevor...Tyler...Alex Marble...Elise...Bryant...Stephanie Selwyn...so many more...I need to show that I care more. I feel like I've officially stolen all the beautiful people in existence to play a part in my life, and I'm selfish to keep them all to myself. How do you show someone you care? I think I've gotten worse and worse at it over time. Aren't you supposed to get better with practice? Maybe I'm cursed. I thought a list like that could help...but I don't know where to go from here. How do you show someone you care?

I find myself remembering. Remembering anything my mind can get a grasp on. It holds onto the memories so tight, almost like the world playing out before me is unimportant compared. I picture nights alone, nights together...I picture people who have now left my life, and left no trace...I picture things I thought would never end. Is it healthy to recall memory so often? Obsessing over things that play over and over in your mind, like a tape rewound but never changed, and basking in the happiness it brings you...can it be right? It's like living in a dream, but you always know what is going to happen. You picture times gone, and sit in uselessless, doing nothing but dreaming. You picture these memories, and the world turns to nothing but blurred colors in your periphery. It's almost like I couldn't let go of these memories, even if I tried. It's almost relaxing to remember...like it's a way to show you really lived. "Please remedy my confusion." Another thing that probably isn't healthy is imagining the second ending. In every situation there can be more than way out, but you'll never know that other way out no matter what you choose. What would you life had been otherwise? You'll never know. I guess that's where I get stuck...I think too much.

The day was utterly boring, as it always is at school. Each class is useless drone; a repetitive experience. I submit myself to routine, and hope that a flaw will be devised in the cycle. I actually got to come home at a decent time today, due to the fact that Olions is now over for the year. I spent my time with Madeline over at her house, and we spent time with her brother, cousin, and her cousin's friend. It was really nice to feel like I was part of her family. I felt accepted. It was relaxing. The clouds provided a beautiful light outside, and a breeze drifted just soft enough through the scene. "Cafarro's Theme" played endlessly in my mind. I unavoidably relate that song with good times. Another highlight of my day was listening to a mix of songs I made for Elise. I defined them as "life defined in lyrical epiphany". The songs I chose seem to bring out so much meaning to me, so I decided to share them. The lyricist I highlighted most never ceases to amaze me: Conor Oberst (Bright Eyes). I decided to put "From A Balance Beam", "The Trees Get Wheeled Away", and "Let's Not Shit Ourselves (To Love And To Be Loved)" on the mix, because they convey so much in general about how an outlook on life can be looked at a little differently with a little help.

I started to make a list of people I appreciate. I tried to focus on people I don't show that I do so much, so I immediately excluded Madeline, Alex Den-Baars, and Rachel. I came up with a suprising list of names...Alex Wilcox...Trevor...Tyler...Alex Marble...Elise...Bryant...Stephanie Selwyn...so many more...I need to show that I care more. I feel like I've officially stolen all the beautiful people in existence to play a part in my life, and I'm selfish to keep them all to myself. How do you show someone you care? I think I've gotten worse and worse at it over time. Aren't you supposed to get better with practice? Maybe I'm cursed. I thought a list like that could help...but I don't know where to go from here. How do you show someone you care?

I'm no longer afraid of death. I guess I'd have to question if I was ever afraid of such a thing...but how am I supposed to give a truthful answer now that I know that it is not something to be frightened of. Life and death act as one in existence...not one better than the other. How are we supposed to know of death? Maybe death is just another life, in a different way. Maybe death is everything we dream it could be, or maybe it is everything we see in our nightmares. It's beautiful almost in its uncertainty. I have realized that I could die now. I might be happy...I might be content...I might be nothing at all. I could let go of everything I have. I could die now.

We cannot even begin to guess what to see past our egotist existences...Maybe we'll see angels. Maybe we'll see nothing but black. Maybe we'll wake up from a dream. Maybe we'll be reborn. How can you fear this? You cannot run from the inevitable. We are dying every second we live. It almost worries me when I see people who cannot withstand the thought of death and live in a world of self-proclaimed immortality. Their fear places them above their fellow beings, and they are selfish to think they can "save" themselves from the pace of time and no one else. I think they need to see there is no "saving" to be done. Not for them, or for anyone else. I'm going to laugh when Evan is right, and our existence is simply the fuzzy dream of a cat. Take that organized religion! When I die, and it turns out I just continue on living life...in a different world maybe...a different time perhaps...but I just keep on living...I'm going to have to find the people that ran from death with an unstoppable passion, and laugh.

As you can all see, I have created a new layout for Glass Against Glass. I tried to reflect these recent feelings on life and death, and also pay homage to Laconic and the hopefully upcoming release of the new album, "In Loving Memory Of The Man You Thought I Was". The artwork at the top was created by a fellow DeviantArtist Taphos, and is the cover art for the album. The lyrics are from Laconic as well. I will update the lyrics pages as soon as possible (so that they actually work), and also start scanning and uploading some artwork so that I can have that section operational as well.

"In Loving Memory Of The Man You Thought I Was" tells the story of a normal human being. "The Autumn Orphan" (as the album names this man) travels through life and death in a journey of the mind and soul. The season of autumn was chosen because of it's obvious symbolism within the album itself. Autumn itself is the best symbol of the end of life (renewal and flourishing life) and the beginning of death. "The Autumn Orphan" succumbs to his intense emotional confusion - breakdowns, addictions, paranoia, fear - never understanding the true nature of this "life". He takes his own life to escape his personal torture. "The Girl In Black" (another character) is the love he regrets losing, and serves as the symbol of the life he could've had. On his journey into death, "The Autumn Orphan" meets "The Seventh Angel". The angel shows him of his new world, and serves as the symbol of the "life" "The Autumn Orphan" has now accepted in death. He speaks of a beautiful existence. He also speaks of a painful existence. He shows "The Autumn Orphan" that he truly has the choice. To live...or to die. The album contains thirteen tracks: "The Imminent Failure", "Lackluster", "Swallow", "The Tower", "Love Is A Word, Nothing More", "Sweetness", "Hypochondriac", "The Rememberance", "Four Reasons", "The Embrace", "Angel", "Flowers For Julianne", and "For The Ferryman".

It's been a very interesting last few weeks. "Guys And Dolls" ended, Olions' Banquet was last night, and Madeline has been gone in New Orleans since Wednesday for her brother's graduation. I've been going through a lot emotionally, and I don't really know what to do anymore. Either people need to shut the fuck up and listen to me occaisionally, or they need to stop intefering in my life. People need to realize that maybe the most rational decision isn't always the best one. People need to see that there is ALWAYS a chance for mistakes, but it will never be exciting unless you take the chance in the first place. People need to see that I care about them. Some people need to see that I don't know where I'm going sometimes, but they don't have any right map to get me anywhere. Some people need to stop giving advice. Some people need to open their eyes, and see the world. I want to shake others and wake them up. "YOU'RE ALIVE, YOU KNOW THAT?!" Some people need to stay out of my life. In the next couple of weeks, I'll probably get yelled at a lot. Probably get hated by a lot of people. Close-minded freaks. I'll probably get blamed and made the fool. Opinionated jerks. But, simply, I don't care. I DON'T CARE. You can yell all you want, you can hate all you want, you can forget that maybe there is a shred of sense (or *gasp* even more) in the things I do...but...I DON'T CARE. If none of these horrible things happen, bless the world. Conflict will have been avoided.

Have you ever sat back and thought about dying? If you'd be content dying right now? If you have reasons to live?

"I want something good to die for...to make it beautiful to live."

Idiot Pilot, the kids from Bellingham that I've been listening to since their start, just got signed to REPRISE Records (Reprise/Warner/Sire)! I'm so ecstatic! They are one of my favorite bands in the world, and they totally deserve this opportunity! And they're only 19 years old each (hah...had to throw it in there). EVERYONE should go check them out at www.idiotpilot.com, and buy their new independently released album (which I assume will be re-released on Reprise) "Strange We Should Meet Here"!