Footloose And Fancy Free
Whether it be the holiday season, the dropping temperatures, or the whispering anthems of the season wafting delicately through the air with faint jingle bells and brass fan fares...I found myself needing to write this. So, please...blame the sentiment on a wintertime hysteria. A crazed lunatic - bare of the usual sarcasm, irony, and general 'assholeness' - that is simply a ghost of what I usually am. Whatever you choose as my excuse, please keep it in mind.
First, I'd like to begin by apologizing. To a lot of people particularly, but each one so particular that they know exactly who they are. For whatever reason or problem, they know. I know that apologies, especially around the holidays, seem forced or expected...but I should know. I've had to force so many apologies in my short life so far; fake or meaningless in one way or another. I know exactly what it feels like to play puppeteer to the truth, and that's definitely not how it feels now. I am truly sorry for any pain.
Whether it be false assumption...true deceit...imaginative confrontations...mistakes that are simply that and nothing more...a teenage wasteland...I wish I could conjur language into something more than just 'I'm sorry'. Sorry, sorry, sorry - the word so far overused that I feel like I'm simply downmarking prices on expired excuses. Another roll from the price gun. There has to be some way to get past those five simple letters and strive for something else!
To Rachel - It was when the amount of times I said 'I love you' replaced the amount of times I said 'I'm sorry' that I knew I would lose you. You know, after a lot of picturesque arguments and made-for-TV-movie drama...only now I wish I could've taken everything back. It took me this long to come to that conclusion. You never deserved the way I treated you near the end of our relationship; you never deserved a cheap defense against my cheap mistakes. In order to not overuse 'sorry' again, let's talk sometime...I miss you.
To Madeline - I wish I could fit into that angsty ex-boyfriend mold a little better, but really it's just me forgetting to check my messages or to call you back. I know it seems like I'm being a drama king, but it's my absentmindedness and nothing more. I still think about you a lot; kind of hard to ignore sometimes. It's alright though, right? "So next time I see you, I'll be pleased to see you. I hope you'll be pleased to see me."
To Elise - We need to get together as soon as possible to write, smile, and make coffee. I've missed too many opportunities to see you; I'm sick of it. Like the lyrics we write, there is something deeper below the surface here. Something more that just words scratched on the page; we hold a connection that could do us well. "Don't you feel it too?"
To Mary - Do you ever think that I'm one of those people that never say how I truly feel about you their face? Well then, I think you're right. A hundred and one times over I wish I had gone up to your face and said: "You're amazing. I'm in awe." I also wish you'd believe me. Your raw talent and lifelong potential; your sharp humor and priceless expressions. I know that we've never been able to be close...what is that? Soap conversations and bathtub confessionals in the near future, okay?
To Alex - I know you'll never read this, but all I had to say is I'm sorry for never being able to say how much I truly love you.
I apologize to Brianna for not talking. I apologize to Tyler for never having enough time. I beg forgiveness from those who knew me well; don't give up on me yet. I'll be back one of these days. A Christmas soon or soon after, I will return after a snowy journey; rejuvenated and renewed. Probably after I've lost you all - to moving and progressing, changing and forgetting - I'll return. To everyone, I hope you have a light hearted Christmas with great friends and family - I hope you are graced with a warmth you only wish you could explain. I hope you overuse the word 'love' as much as I just overused the word 'sorry'...if there is such a thing.
First, I'd like to begin by apologizing. To a lot of people particularly, but each one so particular that they know exactly who they are. For whatever reason or problem, they know. I know that apologies, especially around the holidays, seem forced or expected...but I should know. I've had to force so many apologies in my short life so far; fake or meaningless in one way or another. I know exactly what it feels like to play puppeteer to the truth, and that's definitely not how it feels now. I am truly sorry for any pain.
Whether it be false assumption...true deceit...imaginative confrontations...mistakes that are simply that and nothing more...a teenage wasteland...I wish I could conjur language into something more than just 'I'm sorry'. Sorry, sorry, sorry - the word so far overused that I feel like I'm simply downmarking prices on expired excuses. Another roll from the price gun. There has to be some way to get past those five simple letters and strive for something else!
To Rachel - It was when the amount of times I said 'I love you' replaced the amount of times I said 'I'm sorry' that I knew I would lose you. You know, after a lot of picturesque arguments and made-for-TV-movie drama...only now I wish I could've taken everything back. It took me this long to come to that conclusion. You never deserved the way I treated you near the end of our relationship; you never deserved a cheap defense against my cheap mistakes. In order to not overuse 'sorry' again, let's talk sometime...I miss you.
To Madeline - I wish I could fit into that angsty ex-boyfriend mold a little better, but really it's just me forgetting to check my messages or to call you back. I know it seems like I'm being a drama king, but it's my absentmindedness and nothing more. I still think about you a lot; kind of hard to ignore sometimes. It's alright though, right? "So next time I see you, I'll be pleased to see you. I hope you'll be pleased to see me."
"It's cold outside, but warm in here.
Our hands entwined like acrobats.
Did you like the circus life?
Our hearts performing every night?
It's so cold outside we can ice skate to wherever we walk.
If you happen to slip and fall,
I'll help you up."
Our hands entwined like acrobats.
Did you like the circus life?
Our hearts performing every night?
It's so cold outside we can ice skate to wherever we walk.
If you happen to slip and fall,
I'll help you up."
To Elise - We need to get together as soon as possible to write, smile, and make coffee. I've missed too many opportunities to see you; I'm sick of it. Like the lyrics we write, there is something deeper below the surface here. Something more that just words scratched on the page; we hold a connection that could do us well. "Don't you feel it too?"
To Mary - Do you ever think that I'm one of those people that never say how I truly feel about you their face? Well then, I think you're right. A hundred and one times over I wish I had gone up to your face and said: "You're amazing. I'm in awe." I also wish you'd believe me. Your raw talent and lifelong potential; your sharp humor and priceless expressions. I know that we've never been able to be close...what is that? Soap conversations and bathtub confessionals in the near future, okay?
To Alex - I know you'll never read this, but all I had to say is I'm sorry for never being able to say how much I truly love you.
I apologize to Brianna for not talking. I apologize to Tyler for never having enough time. I beg forgiveness from those who knew me well; don't give up on me yet. I'll be back one of these days. A Christmas soon or soon after, I will return after a snowy journey; rejuvenated and renewed. Probably after I've lost you all - to moving and progressing, changing and forgetting - I'll return. To everyone, I hope you have a light hearted Christmas with great friends and family - I hope you are graced with a warmth you only wish you could explain. I hope you overuse the word 'love' as much as I just overused the word 'sorry'...if there is such a thing.
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