Twelve Steps Back
I decided to reverse my layout to dark. It suits how I'm feeling better. I don't know how to explain it better than that. So anyway, I stayed home today, because I needed to. I felt...feel...something...drained mentally, emotionally, and physically. I just wouldn't have been able stand the routine today. It doesn't really matter, because there isn't anyway to escape it. Tommorrow I have to go back. I needed sleep...I slept until 11:00 today, and it helped. I still feel drained. But it doesn't really matter. I can deal with it, really.
I don't know what I've been thinking about all day...or what I've been feeling really. It's been hard lately to really pinpoint what I've been thinking, because it seems to be jumping around randomly without particular pattern...and I can barely hold on to one thought at a time and put them all together. I guess I've been thinking about how people are way too worrysome...or how people are way too bitter. I'm one to talk (hypocrite of the century, right here), but it seems that compliments are now taken with sarcasm, worried opinions are now taken as threats or arguments, and every step you take forward is considered twelve steps back. People have been angry with me lately, and nothing else. People think they "know better" than me when I express an opinion. It all seems like a giant argument where everything I say does nothing to help.
You know what? It's okay. It's great. I mean, why shouldn't it be? All those reasons are petty and have no way of affecting my happiness in the end. I can let them all go, and move on. The beautiful thing about existing as a human being - we have the choice to let go of whatever we want. Sadly, none of us ever do. A lot of people hold on to all the bad things they are experiencing in their life, and focus on nothing else but them. Maybe that's why people are so bitter. They never see the better side of things. Again, I'm one to talk. At the same time, I have the right to change my mind. I'm not a hyprocrite. I have the right to change my opinion or outlook on things whenever I want, and doing so does not make my a hyprocrite. Right?
Madeline called me yesterday. I didn't get to talk long, because I was working on the Guys And Dolls t-shirt, and it was getting late (according to my mother). It was alright. I realize that even though I miss her terribly, I don't have to fall apart because of it. I talked to Elise for a little bit yesterday which was nice, as well as actually (do you believe this?) did some work for Project Forge. So, I'm getting somewhere. Maybe taking twelve steps back isn't such a bad thing. Maybe we're all moving in the wrong direction anyway.
I don't know what I've been thinking about all day...or what I've been feeling really. It's been hard lately to really pinpoint what I've been thinking, because it seems to be jumping around randomly without particular pattern...and I can barely hold on to one thought at a time and put them all together. I guess I've been thinking about how people are way too worrysome...or how people are way too bitter. I'm one to talk (hypocrite of the century, right here), but it seems that compliments are now taken with sarcasm, worried opinions are now taken as threats or arguments, and every step you take forward is considered twelve steps back. People have been angry with me lately, and nothing else. People think they "know better" than me when I express an opinion. It all seems like a giant argument where everything I say does nothing to help.
You know what? It's okay. It's great. I mean, why shouldn't it be? All those reasons are petty and have no way of affecting my happiness in the end. I can let them all go, and move on. The beautiful thing about existing as a human being - we have the choice to let go of whatever we want. Sadly, none of us ever do. A lot of people hold on to all the bad things they are experiencing in their life, and focus on nothing else but them. Maybe that's why people are so bitter. They never see the better side of things. Again, I'm one to talk. At the same time, I have the right to change my mind. I'm not a hyprocrite. I have the right to change my opinion or outlook on things whenever I want, and doing so does not make my a hyprocrite. Right?
Madeline called me yesterday. I didn't get to talk long, because I was working on the Guys And Dolls t-shirt, and it was getting late (according to my mother). It was alright. I realize that even though I miss her terribly, I don't have to fall apart because of it. I talked to Elise for a little bit yesterday which was nice, as well as actually (do you believe this?) did some work for Project Forge. So, I'm getting somewhere. Maybe taking twelve steps back isn't such a bad thing. Maybe we're all moving in the wrong direction anyway.
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