The Sexyback Receipt
Tonight's blog is that of wonder! Mystery! Suspense! Another typical tag word for a 1950's drive-in horror flick! That one movie with the praying mantis was good, or maybe "The Creature From The Black Lagoon". Maybe I'll just include Boris Karloff with a flat head and bolts within my ramblings to spruce things up a bit. I think the only real mystery here is how I can bring myself to open up this so-called 'journal' so frequently (three nights in a row now...tsk, tsk) and record my psuedo-philisophical stories. It might be because...I believe I'm somewhat proud of it.
Today I learned that a movie whose entire point is to animate dancing penguins for an hour and a half can't be that bad. I also learned that elephant seals are gruff and ill tempered. Who knew.
Now, I'm back sitting here. I kind of feel peculiar now. My entire body down to my bones has been ancy without purpose. I feel uneasy. Wandering from room to room in my parent's apartment - finding nothing and then turning around to circle again. Mindless even. I've been throwing around ideas and insecurties in my head all evening - not getting anywhere. I wish I could pinpoint why I feel this way exactly.
I tossed and turned last night in bed, as well as in my skin this morning - tumbling over the uses of the letter 'X', bad analogies, planned conversations, clever timing, and why Omaha seems to be the home to so many neurotic geniuses. I picked up my phone all day to try and push myself to calling. I even got close a couple of times. On the other hand, for a brief moment, I did talk to Alexandra. It's so hard to say 'I love you' and hear a straight 'goodbye' back. This could be the cracking underneath my feet - it's hard to say. Can you hear it too?
No, not cracking. The ice has completely separated - leaving us floating like those silly CG penguins on our own personal islands. I don't even pretend to have any hope anymore; at least not for right now. It's hard to ask anything of her right now - she has her goals and life dreams - her decided path. She also has a knack for never including me on her list of important things. I feel so stupid now; I'm in the middle of what I promised not to do to myself anymore: hold on, drowning. I mean, I'm following around the threads of this relationship like a lost puppy - unable to let go due to a lack of closure. Argh. Yes, with a 'G'! For utter disgust and frustration!
Well, at least I hold divine faith in what the future could bring.
In my brief conversation with her, I tried to explain how I really like the New Year holiday. It's not because of any silly physical event - this night ends, a whole new year begins - that's just simple logic; no real reason to celebrate. What New Years means to me is a sickly sweet nostalgia - the kind I could only eat that one night before I would get sick of it. I like seeing New Years as my time for a slideshow of memories. Plus, it reminds me directly of silver plastic stars, glitter, and champagne. Which, in my opinion, is always means a good time. I'm definitely looking forward to that blog entry - oh, how I love those movie-montage-esque streams of consciousness!
Tomorrow: set my goals (insert unnecessary music joke), make some plans, wrap some presents, and generally sit around waiting for internet communication between me and snowed in friends. Sounds like a jolly time. Until then!
Today I learned that a movie whose entire point is to animate dancing penguins for an hour and a half can't be that bad. I also learned that elephant seals are gruff and ill tempered. Who knew.
Now, I'm back sitting here. I kind of feel peculiar now. My entire body down to my bones has been ancy without purpose. I feel uneasy. Wandering from room to room in my parent's apartment - finding nothing and then turning around to circle again. Mindless even. I've been throwing around ideas and insecurties in my head all evening - not getting anywhere. I wish I could pinpoint why I feel this way exactly.
I tossed and turned last night in bed, as well as in my skin this morning - tumbling over the uses of the letter 'X', bad analogies, planned conversations, clever timing, and why Omaha seems to be the home to so many neurotic geniuses. I picked up my phone all day to try and push myself to calling. I even got close a couple of times. On the other hand, for a brief moment, I did talk to Alexandra. It's so hard to say 'I love you' and hear a straight 'goodbye' back. This could be the cracking underneath my feet - it's hard to say. Can you hear it too?
No, not cracking. The ice has completely separated - leaving us floating like those silly CG penguins on our own personal islands. I don't even pretend to have any hope anymore; at least not for right now. It's hard to ask anything of her right now - she has her goals and life dreams - her decided path. She also has a knack for never including me on her list of important things. I feel so stupid now; I'm in the middle of what I promised not to do to myself anymore: hold on, drowning. I mean, I'm following around the threads of this relationship like a lost puppy - unable to let go due to a lack of closure. Argh. Yes, with a 'G'! For utter disgust and frustration!
Well, at least I hold divine faith in what the future could bring.
In my brief conversation with her, I tried to explain how I really like the New Year holiday. It's not because of any silly physical event - this night ends, a whole new year begins - that's just simple logic; no real reason to celebrate. What New Years means to me is a sickly sweet nostalgia - the kind I could only eat that one night before I would get sick of it. I like seeing New Years as my time for a slideshow of memories. Plus, it reminds me directly of silver plastic stars, glitter, and champagne. Which, in my opinion, is always means a good time. I'm definitely looking forward to that blog entry - oh, how I love those movie-montage-esque streams of consciousness!
Tomorrow: set my goals (insert unnecessary music joke), make some plans, wrap some presents, and generally sit around waiting for internet communication between me and snowed in friends. Sounds like a jolly time. Until then!
that seemed like you needed to say it. maybe i need something to say i just haven't found out how, like you have.