You're The Only Shape I Pray To...
Touch and go. Stop and start. A million jumpstart conversations. It's so much easier to get the right words out on paper than it is to force them out of my mouth. There is only so much sound I have rationed within unquenchable silence. Singing my message across a canyon made of dusty gold - maybe an echo will reach you. The distance is far too much to swallow; I've filled up on telephone calls and postmarks. Now, when you are close enough to scream your name, no words come. No words will ever come.
It's the substance between the first words I can choke out and the ending punctuation that kills me. I can't carry the weight of my words because I am so scared at what I want to say. I'm so scared to say a lot of things that I have choked back through tears only few years before. Distance might be a barrier. I say we tear it down and hold eachother close in unity. Irgendwann fallt jede Mauer.
I know that I fear losing you.
The oncoming weeks will bring me exhaustion and confusion. Business and endless beginning and completion will scratch a calendar into my skin like anicent practice. So many things to be done. So many things needing to be started. I'm stumbling around the remains of so many ideas; I can not decide where to begin. I'm probably going to start in full force on my screenplay once the Revue is over. Time chokes me.
Even with things that seem so clear and planned inside my dreams, I'm flustered and suffocated with where to begin. What should I do first? What do I have to do first? A million phone calls and messages play out like a game of dominoes in my head. Rentals and money. Exchange and trade. All the while, creativity is forced to flow. Maybe these pressing issues will encourage me to get things done. Maybe deadlines and invisible finish lines will help me on my race towards success. There are so many little reasons behind this project, I don't think I could handle losing them.
To get the words out. To find strength. To hold a finished message. To have the world see. To build friends. To build monumental achievements. To keep her here; yes, to keep her here. To never lose touch. To never become an image in the back of a scrapbook. To never become a ghost. To never let go of the people that will so easily let go of me. To explain; hell, to try and explain. So many reasons. I'm sure I'll be able to bring you all to understand them in time. Maybe I'll bring myself to accept them in time as well. Until then, I'll leave the notions of a wonderful celluoid dream suspended in the 'now we' and 'let's'.
I'll clamor as we raise the curtain.
It's the substance between the first words I can choke out and the ending punctuation that kills me. I can't carry the weight of my words because I am so scared at what I want to say. I'm so scared to say a lot of things that I have choked back through tears only few years before. Distance might be a barrier. I say we tear it down and hold eachother close in unity. Irgendwann fallt jede Mauer.
I know that I fear losing you.
The oncoming weeks will bring me exhaustion and confusion. Business and endless beginning and completion will scratch a calendar into my skin like anicent practice. So many things to be done. So many things needing to be started. I'm stumbling around the remains of so many ideas; I can not decide where to begin. I'm probably going to start in full force on my screenplay once the Revue is over. Time chokes me.
Even with things that seem so clear and planned inside my dreams, I'm flustered and suffocated with where to begin. What should I do first? What do I have to do first? A million phone calls and messages play out like a game of dominoes in my head. Rentals and money. Exchange and trade. All the while, creativity is forced to flow. Maybe these pressing issues will encourage me to get things done. Maybe deadlines and invisible finish lines will help me on my race towards success. There are so many little reasons behind this project, I don't think I could handle losing them.
To get the words out. To find strength. To hold a finished message. To have the world see. To build friends. To build monumental achievements. To keep her here; yes, to keep her here. To never lose touch. To never become an image in the back of a scrapbook. To never become a ghost. To never let go of the people that will so easily let go of me. To explain; hell, to try and explain. So many reasons. I'm sure I'll be able to bring you all to understand them in time. Maybe I'll bring myself to accept them in time as well. Until then, I'll leave the notions of a wonderful celluoid dream suspended in the 'now we' and 'let's'.
I'll clamor as we raise the curtain.
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