Murder Murderer Love Inc.

For once in a really long time, I had some beautiful control over my emotion today. Let me say, that out of all the days of the year, this is certainly not the best in a way. I mean, out of all the wonderful experiences and beautiful mistakes - this day really stood out like bright colors against a fading watermark backdrop. It contained all the elements of another stereotypical bad school day - numerous tests (all forgotten), a presentation (also forgotten), and all the basic worries from grade reports, final grades, and other useless emulators of nervousness (I mean, after tasting the beauty of life apart from homework and essays, you begin to realize that grades aren't that important). Letters in ink on paper shouldn't cause such hateful compassion. Suprisingly, none of these things ruined my day. Not even Madeline being out sick and myself coming down with something made this day bad. Something else...Something odd changed today. Maybe it was some strange test run that went wrong...or a mixture of emotions. Maybe it was realizing even more just how much I miss Madeline when she is gone, or how truly beautiful it is to ask someone to lunch - in purest simplicity - and sit there...talking...smiling...and altogether forgetting the day around you to just enjoy spending time with one another.

Something today made me even more grateful for another breath of life. I think about how I could be alone in this cold. An orphan within my own reality. An orphan that smiles at the fortune of the dead leaves in autumn - of how they fall so peacefully to rest. I'm not alone, and I'm so incredibly lucky to have the life I find myself living each day when I wake up. I wish I could share this feeling better than babbling off words that surely mean nothing more than jumble to anyone other than myself. How beautiful it would be to not worry at all...to give wondrous presents to the world at random...to smile back at the sun...to finally thank the world for having you...It's all only the beginning. It's only the beginning, but what a flawless beginning.