Murder Murderer Love Inc.

The emotions of excitement and frustration come so easily together. Neither seems to be a part of me at this moment. People rush around in endless circles around me - doing nothing, never stopping, always running to something that doesn't really matter. People scream to themselves about their problems, and learn to scream to each other for guidance. No order is conducted within this chaos, and the world never seemingly stops for our egotist existences. We're all so worried about our own well-being that we never stop to notice others. We're all strung onto an iron bar that never bends under our stress, so we blame our friends and our families for our straight-backed arrogance. Blame flies everywhere. Some with reason, some without any. Either way, nothing but a divine joy and peace should be expressed to each other. There is no reason to be upset at one another - angry and frustrated for petty reasons based off nothing but split second emotional decision. So, I guess I'm telling everyone to calm down and appreciate the life and people around you. You might have your problems, and other people might have theirs, but stupid anger without cause is useless.

"Guys And Dolls" starts this weekend. I am looking forward to the experience, and I hope everything goes well. We had to work with the lighting techs on the light cues yesterday, and everyone in the cast was kind of wired, so things were definitely not done quickly or efficiently. There was a lot of uneccesary talking, followed directly by a lot of uneccesary yelling. I hope things go alright, in the end. The show will be good. I hope it ends in a sort of harmony between everyone instead of a united hatred towards each other.

Laconic will be releasing their first demo soon.

My feelings have been kind of haywire lately to the extent that the compass in my mind has been turning the same useless circles as everyone else has. I've been thinking too much about feelings. I have some things that need to be said, but sadly will never surely cross my lips. I hold some things that need to be done, but my hands and my heart are losing their grip. There's something inside of me that won't go away, but I continue an endless battle to destry it. There's something I'm trying to hide from, but I'm always hiding in the same place. Within myself, there is nothing but a deep confusion that is once again consuming me piece by piece. I stare blankly into space, wondering if things are alright.

You know who you are when I say this. Ask me what's wrong and tell me the truth. Don't want to let you go. I can't keep my defenses any longer. It came to me in a dream. The infantry is pushing back, and retreat is inevitable. You smiled. I love seeing you smile.

I love seeing you smile.

Well, it's definitely been too short of a weekend for too large a number of events. Each day packed just like the last...to a point where the slightest movement would cause the threads holding the world up like paper-doll backdrops behind us to break. This has been a very busy last two days. Tyler came down from Rio Rancho to practice with Sudden Epidemic for the whole weekend, and Laconic also had the chance to get together to practice as well. Kyle could only practice on Saturday, and we lacked Alex M. for SE so it felt kind of flat. We didn't really get to work on the new songs ("Eyes So Blue", "Misconception", "Don't Be A Stranger", etc.) so that was really pointless. It was fun nonetheless, but I wish we could've actually gotten down to working on it. We'll still be playing Saturday at the Rock For The Planet awareness concert though, so I hope to see everyone I know there!

Laconic practiced today (Sunday) for real (the whole band minus Kyle). We'll only have a five song set at the concert on Saturday, but what a set it will be. Alex got to practice on time today, which was nice, and we had our new bassist, Ryan. The songs sound so much fuller with all the guitars. We finally finished "For The Ferryman", which has this intense bass effect to heighten the epic feeling of the song. We'll be playing "Lackuster", "Swallow", "Hypochondriac", "The Rememberance", and "For The Ferryman" this coming Saturday. I think the Laconic set will be worth the listen, so again, you better all show up! Anyway, after all the playing, singing, and screaming...I lost my voice. I can't sing at all. It'll be better by next week, but right now...it's completely shot. Which was shit considering the fact that I had to sing two songs with Ian at the college tonight, and couldn't due to the fact I couldn't form any note at all within my tattered throat.

I miss Madeline. I didn't get to see her at all on Saturday or Sunday because she's grounded (for the stupidest reasons). She was ten minutes late home on Friday, so she was "grounded" from doing ANYTHING for the weekend. Her parents are really strict, and I get sick of it pretty quickly. I wanted to see some other of my friends this weekend (and some more than I did). I wanted to talk to Rachel, and never really got the chance. I wanted to hang out with some other crapshooter guys for the hell of it. I think Guys and Dolls is getting to my head. Anyway, I just wanted to do a lot more this weekend than I did. I have the feeling that if I had crammed any more into the last two days, I wouldn't have been able to handle it. But really, can I ever handle it?